


A Place For My Head

by stephrc79



Category: Captain America (Movies), Political Animals
Genre: Bucky Barnes is a match maker, Confusion over a face, Fluff, M/M, Steve Rogers needs to hire a wordsmith, TJ Hammond needs a hug, bless him, but that's nothing new
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-29
Updated: 2016-01-29
Packaged: 2018-05-12 02:01:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5649595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stephrc79/pseuds/stephrc79
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TJ wasn't supposed to look <i>that</i> much like Bucky. And Steve also wasn't supposed to fall for him. Not when there was any chance it could hurt TJ in the process.</p><p>Thankfully, there are people in Steve's life who don't mind telling him just how stupid that notion of Steve hurting <i>anyone</i> could actually be.<br/>~~~~<br/>Based on three stories from my <a href="http://stephrc79.tumblr.com/tagged/stephrc79ramblings">5-Minute Writing Challenge</a> prompts.<br/>~~~~</p><p>Also, a birthday fic for the indelible Brenda. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY LOVE!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lost In The Echo

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Brenda](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brenda/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TJ Hammond knew what he was getting into - why he was meeting Steve Rogers. After all, it wouldn't be the first time someone wanted to compare him to Bucky Barnes.  
> ~~~

“You must be TJ Hammond.” The grip was firm, but there was the slightest shake to the voice that made TJ’s heart break just a little bit for Steve Rogers in that moment.

“I am,” he said, giving his best easy smile. He waved a hand at the couch behind them. “Would you like to sit?”

Steve glanced back at the couch before giving TJ a grateful smile. He sat down, back rigid. So maybe this was going to take a while.

TJ sat down at the other end, careful to telegraph his movements, doing anything he could to keep the Captain at ease. “So, I can only assume why you wanted to see me.”

“Well, given how much you look like…my best friend, I can only assume myself you’ve heard the comments enough times in your life. Me calling on you had to have been obvious.”

TJ gave a hollow laugh and shrugged. “I have had people tell me about the resemblance on more than a few occasions.”

Steve’s brow tightened as he frowned. “I’m sorry, but I hope you understand, I had to see it for myself. A picture wouldn’t suffice.”

“I guess not.” TJ quirked a sad smile at him. “But, I hope you at least know… I’m not him.”

Steve seemed to visibly deflate at the comment. TJ looked down, feeling an ache he couldn’t explain, though it shouldn’t have surprised him that the Captain was probably harboring hope that TJ wasn’t just simply Bucky’s doppleganger. That maybe his lost friend was….

TJ had no idea how to end that sentence.

“I know you’re not him,” Steve said, quietly. TJ looked up in surprise to find Steve struggling. “I can’t put my finger on it, but the second I walked in this room, I knew. Maybe it’s in your walk, or your voice, or the fact that you have a smattering of freckles Bucky never had, but I know you’re not him.”

“No, I’m not,” TJ answered, almost sad. He’d been through a lot in his life —  _done_ a lot — so maybe he wasn’t the best person to rely on, but he still couldn’t deny the visceral tug he felt inside that made him want to reach out and take Steve’s hand. He didn’t indulge, but it was a very near thing.

“I’m not him,” TJ said again. “But honestly, Steve, I’ve known you for five minutes and already I can see you need a friend. I know we just met, but maybe…”

Steve smiled at him, reserved but honest. “I think I’d like that.”


	2. Iridescent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TJ's laugh... It was so different from Bucky's. That was just one of the many things Steve noticed about TJ. And it might just be his favorite.  
> ~~~~

When TJ laughed, he laughed with everything he had. And his laugh alone made Steve smile.

It wasn’t like Bucky’s laugh, who used to laugh quietly, subtly. Like everything that made him laugh was some kind of private joke. TJ, though, seemed to want to share his joy with the entire world.

It wasn’t the only difference Steve saw between his best friend and his new friend. Everyday he spent around TJ he discovered something else that set him apart from the man Steve knew. From the man Steve was getting to know again, now that Bucky had been found and his conditioning was slowly being broken down.

“Did you ever have feelings for him?”

Steve shook his head and looked over to where TJ was shrewdly watching him from across the table out on Steve’s balcony. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Bucky. Did you ever love him?” TJ knew all about Bucky coming back, and his recovery — had been resolutely in both their corners since they’d found Bucky a few months back. He’d even tried to step back — give Steve and Bucky their space to figure out their friendship again — but Steve wouldn’t have any of it. Bucky and TJ were two different people and Steve would never sacrifice one for the other. They both were just too important to him.

“Did I love him?” He knew what TJ was asking. Gave himself a second to answer before shrugging. “Kind of, yeah. There was a time where I thought Bucky might have been the guy for me. But it was brief, and I was young. He was the only friend I had — the only person who cared about me. Made the love I already had for him as my family a little misguided.”

TJ tipped back in his chair and took a sip of his iced tea.  “How long did it last?”

Steve laughed at the memory. “Oh god, only like a month or so? I wasn’t kidding when I said it was misguided. Hell, I didn’t tell Bucky for the longest time, and when I did, he smacked me over the head and told me to get my head out of my ass because I was a catch and there was no way, as my best friend, that he would let me go slumming it with some Irish mook from the wrong side of the river.”

And there was that laugh again. Full-bodied and loud and just so fucking full of _life_  it made Steve’s breath catch. He’d known for a while now that his feelings for TJ weren’t the same misguided nonsense that he’d felt for Bucky back in ‘39. He and TJ _fit_. They really did.

Too bad he couldn’t bring himself to tell TJ that.

He watched TJ laugh, and he _wanted_ , but he was under no illusions that anything he tried wouldn’t be seen as him trying to replace Bucky. He was certain that was all TJ would think, because that was all he had thought when he’d felt the first stirrings all those months ago. It was second-guessing after second-guessing, even though he never saw Bucky when he looked at TJ.

And TJ had had enough trauma in his own life to deal with the kind of trust issues something like that would bring up.

So Steve sat back and watched as TJ laughed, and moved heaven and earth to quell the feelings inside him that were as quiet as a dull roar.


	3. No More Sorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky liked to think he knew Steve pretty well by now. Which meant he knew when his BFF was being a COLOSSAL idiot. Looked like Bucky was going to have to take matters into his own hands. He just hoped Steve didn’t go and screw it up.  
> ~~~~

The party was in full swing — or as full swing as a party could get with only a handful of people. It was Bucky’s birthday, the first one he’d gotten to celebrate in over seventy-odd years, and he’d wanted to spend it with the few people he called friends. Friends that included not just the very best of them, Steve, but the guy that Steve was currently making moon eyes over, TJ.

TJ was standing next to the grill, talking to Sam about something or other, smiling and having what looked like a great time, and as much as Steve was surreptitiously trying to hide it, his eyes kept ticking over to TJ every couple minutes or so.

“You tell him?” Bucky asked, getting right to the point.

“No,” Steve answered, just as blunt. They never were ones for dancing around a subject. He took a sip of his beer and glanced over at Bucky. “And I don’t plan to.”

“Is that because you’re an idiot? Because I’m thinking it’s because you’re an idiot.”

“Fuck off, Buck.”

The tone was light, but even after generations of conditioning followed by the time he’d just spent _deconditioning_ , Bucky could still recognize the stubbornness radiating off his best friend in waves.

“Noooo. You fuck off. Why won’t you tell him?” He sat up in his chair and turned to face Steve full on. “Seriously, what are you so afraid of?”

Steve huffed out a bitter laugh as he waved a hand at Bucky. “Have you _possibly_ seen the two of you? Ever notice the similarities? Because I have. And more importantly, _he_ has. No way am I going to hurt him by letting him think I’m only after him because he looks like you.”

Okay, that was just…

Bucky reached out and cuffed Steve around the back of the head.

Steve turned to him, shocked and angry, and smacked his hand out of the way before rubbing at his head. “Seriously, Bucky? What the fuck was that for?”

Bucky just shrugged, completely unconcerned. “I already told you. Because you’re an idiot.”

Steve’s jaw clenched even as his eyes drifted back over to where TJ was laughing at something Sam had said. “Bucky, listen —”

“No, you know, you listen,” he cut in as TJ, possibly knowing he was being watched, looked over at them. His brow furrowed as he looked at Steve, mouthing, _you okay?_  Steve just nodded and Bucky kept going. “That guy over there? That guy’s over the moon for you. And you’re over the moon for him. Anyone with _eyeballs_ can fucking see it. And I’m pretty sure he hasn’t said anything because of me either, but Steve…” He reached over and gave Steve’s shoulder a squeeze, letting his eyes go soft, and trying his best to show Steve just how much he cared. “It’s taken me time to get back here, but I think I can honestly say I _know_ you. I know you don’t look at him and see me. And while that may be an issue in the beginning, I _also_ know you’re stubborn enough that you’ll gladly spend every day you guys are together making sure he knows it. Don’t let this go because you’re afraid you can’t make that happen. Because if anyone can, it’s you.”

Steve stared at him, his eyes drawn and unsure. He glanced over at TJ again, who was now watching them in earnest. “You think?” he asked, his voice rough.

He gave Steve’s shoulder another squeeze. “I really do, buddy.” He nodded at the man now walking towards them. “Go get your happiness before someone steals it from you.”

Steve gave him a soft, grateful smile before jumping up from his seat and meeting TJ halfway.

“Can I talk to you?” Steve asked, tentative as anything, his arms folded in on himself. TJ’s eyes flicked over to Bucky in concern.

“Yeah, sure.”

Steve gave him a little smile before guiding him over to a far corner of the house. Bucky could still see them, but they were at least a bit secluded — no one would notice them unless they were searching.

The moment Steve opened his mouth, Bucky could tell it was a litany of a ramble. Words spilling out, probably almost too fast for TJ to keep up, as he tried to say everything he needed to say before fear or second-guessing got in the way. But that wasn’t what had Bucky on the edge of his seat, ready to jump up and intervene. No, that was all on the increasing sadness in TJ’s eyes.

Oh _fuck_.

Guilt washed over Bucky at the sight of Steve, tucked in on himself, rambling as anything, while TJ stood there, eyes ticking back and forth between Bucky and the man in front of him, uncertain, as though he was trying to figure out how to run, and run as fast as possible.

Less than a year back into his best friend’s life, and already Bucky was fucking it up good and proper.

But then Steve said something — what, Bucky had no idea at this point — and TJ’s eyes snapped up to him. Steve had stopped talking, and was looking at TJ with so much earnestness, it was like watching him with Peggy all over again. TJ reached up slowly and rested his hands on Steve’s chest, eyes searching and maybe. Just maybe.

Ah, there it was. Bucky sat back and smiled as TJ stepped into Steve and kissed him. And damn, that looked like a good kiss. TJ clearly knew what he was doing as he pressed in, his hands moving up to cup Steve’s face. If Bucky had felt the same way that Steve had all those years ago, that’s the way he would have kissed him. Like no one else in the world deserved to be kissed in any other way than this.

It looked like a really good kiss.

With a satisfied grin, he stood up, searching for wherever Romanoff had wandered off to. It was high time he took his own damn advice.

With a satisfied smile he took a sip of his beer. “Happy birthday to me.”


	4. The Catalyst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Only Steve Rogers could stick his foot _that far_ into his mouth and _still_ get TJ to fall for him. TJ still isn't sure how he got here.  
>  ~~~~
> 
> A POV switch from the previous chapter because a stupid amount of people wanted to know what Steve said to TJ.  
> ~~~~

TJ wasn’t exactly sure when his life had become so surreal — and that was saying something considering the life he’d grown up in. But his past hadn’t included things like superheroes and doppelgangers, aliens and brainwashed assassins.

But boy, did it include all those things now. His life had _definitely_ become surreal.

And while there was nothing extraordinary about a backyard barbeque for a friend’s birthday, it took on a whole extra level when said friend — who could pass for his twin, _no question_ — was currently celebrating his _one hundredth_ birthday.

TJ was only twenty-nine, and Bucky could pass for his twin. At a hundred. It would give TJ a complex if Bucky didn’t look so damn good for his age. Instead it just made TJ preen.

Under the cool sun of an early March day, TJ took a sip of his beer and smiled at Sam, who was currently regaling him with a story about how he and Thor had recently gotten into a mid-air fist fight with a team of HYDRA thugs who’d had similar packs to Sam’s.

TJ waved a hand at him. “Wait, wait. Where was Tony in all of this? I mean, come on. That fight sounds pretty bad ass. It doesn’t strike me as the kind of thing he would pass up on.”

“Tony? Ha!” Sam barked out a laugh. “He was too busy being looked after by your boy over there.” He nodded in Steve’s direction across the lawn where he was kicking back on a couple of lounge chairs with Bucky. TJ barely had time to register something off in Steve’s eyes before Sam continued and he turned back. “He was taken out by an energy repulsor. I got there just in time to watch Steve catch him _right out of the sky_.”

 _“What?”_ TJ stared at Sam in shock before turning his amazement toward Steve. He didn’t miss the look of frustration on his face this time, and he frowned as he mouthed _you okay_ at him. Steve nodded, but the cloud never left his eyes. He always had been such a terrible liar.

He felt the familiar tug that made him want to instantly go to Steve, smooth out the line between his eyes, maybe brush a kiss against his forehead and make whatever was bothering him go away. The problem was, Steve wasn’t his to do, well, _any_ of that. Steve wasn’t his at all, no matter how TJ felt about him. And never would be. As much as TJ cared about Bucky, he was a constant reminder of the glaring complication between TJ and Steve. Bucky’s face was the reason Steve would never look at TJ the way TJ wished he would. As long as TJ looked like the closest thing Steve had to family, he would never look at TJ and see anything else.

He tried to turn back to Sam, give him his full undivided attention, and let Steve and Bucky work out whatever it was they were bickering over, but he couldn’t help it. Not two seconds later, his eyes were ticking back again, only to find Steve worse off than he seemed to be just moments before.

“Did I lose you? I lost you.” He heard Sam say, though he barely registered it. Whatever Steve and Bucky were talking about, TJ _knew_ it was about him, if the fact that Steve was staring right back at him in earnest was anything to go by.

“Sam, I gotta...” He shoved his beer at Sam and walked away, not waiting for a response. Distantly he registered how rude that was, but Sam was easy going enough. TJ would apologize later.

All he cared about right now was doing the stupid thing and letting that familiar tug guide him across the lawn. He hadn’t even made it halfway, though, when Steve’s eyes softened suddenly. He said something to Bucky, and next thing TJ knew, Steve was out of his chair and making his way over to him. He stopped right in front of TJ, close enough that TJ could feel his body heat radiating off of him in the cool crisp air.

“Can I talk to you?” he asked quietly, his arms folded tightly across his chest, like he was trying to make himself small.

Lost, TJ glanced over at Bucky. “Yeah, sure.”

Steve gave him a tiny smile before turning and walking them over to the side of the house. When he turned back, _good lord_ , if it was even possible, it looked like he was trying to make himself that much smaller.

There and gone in an instant, an irrational sense of anger flashed through TJ at whatever Bucky had said to make Steve feel this way, along with a deep sense of fear at whatever Steve was about to say to _him_.

“Steve?” TJ searched his eyes for some sense of what was about to come, but came up with nothing. “What’s wrong?”

Steve let out a huff and folded his arms _that_ much tighter. Then a litany came pouring out of his mouth. “So, here’s the problem. You just...you look like him. Like Bucky — God, _so_ much — and I know you know that. And if you remember, I told you that, you know, I once thought I had feelings for him. And that makes this _really_ complicated. And the thing is.” Steve let out another huff. “The thing is I don’t ever wanna hurt you, TJ. So you and me, it’s just a _bad_ idea. You have to know how much of a bad idea it is, not when it’s too easy for us to be together for the wrong reasons.”

TJ listened in growing horror at the realization of what this was. Steve was ending this — was ending their friendship. And all because it was too much for him that TJ looked like Bucky. He almost let out a hysterical laugh at the irony of where his ludicrous wishful thinking had actually been running before this mess of a conversation had started.

Devastation hit him full force as he glanced over at Bucky. Kept glancing at him as Steve rambled on.

“I mean, I’m stubborn, so I know Bucky’s right in that I would try my damnedest to make sure you always knew that _you_ were what was important to me, not your face, but...I mean, is it worth it to risk it? To risk your happiness over even the tiniest possibility of doubt? I _can’t_ hurt you, TJ, you’re too important to me.”

TJ had to look away. Had to look anywhere but at Steve because the tears _were_ about to come. Seriously, how could he have been so stupid. Again. Just when he thought he had something good in his life —

“But, I might just have to say fuck off to all of that, because I’m selfish and I need you, and I’m pretty damn sure I’m more than a little bit in love with you.”

What?

Love?

Mindless hope shot through TJ, and his head snapped up as the words sank into him. He found Steve staring back at him, eyes soft and pleading, and with an open nakedness unlike anything TJ had ever seen before — on Steve or on anyone else.

Without thinking TJ reached up and rested his hands on Steve’s chest, felt the hitch, then rise and fall. Felt the pounding, wild heartbeat under his fingertips. He searched in Steve’s eyes for _any_ sign of discord, for anything that might ring false, but there was...this was _Steve._ He was the most brutally honest person TJ had ever met in his life, about both the good and the bad. If he was going to profess anything about _love_ , he certainly wouldn’t lie about it.

The words were right on TJ’s tongue. Right there to be picked off and handed back, because fucking hell, he felt the same way. Tried denying it, but that had been a losing battle a long time ago.

And yet.

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was trust. Not his trust in Steve — that he gladly gave in spades. It was his own happiness he didn’t trust. So, instead, he dragged his fingers up the side of Steve’s neck to cup his jaw and leaned in.

Steve’s lips were soft and supple, and he tasted of mint chapstick. But none of that mattered when he let out a quiet whimper against TJ’s own, and wrapped strong arms around TJ’s waist. TJ gave everything he had over to that kiss, because dammit, if he couldn’t _say_ how he felt, he was damn well gonna show it. There would be time for words later.

TJ wasn’t exactly sure when his life had become so surreal. He’d certainly never _planned_ to be making out along the side of a house at a barbeque with a ninety-seven-year-old super soldier whose hundred-year-old best friend was a dead ringer for himself, after said super soldier had told TJ he loved him.

But if there was one thing TJ had learned in his very _eventful_ life, there were definitely worse ways to spend your time.


End file.
